Saturday, September 16, 2006

Slaying Dragons in My Bathtub

I get up this morning and head for the shower. I draw back the shower curtain and there, curled up in the bottom of my bathtub laying in wait, is a SCORPIAN!!! EEEewwwww! My hubby and resident bug killer is out of town and I am left to face it...alone. I call my hubby for strategy and moral support as we devise how I am to destroy the three-inch scorpian in my bathtub. The killing of a stinging prehistoric creature with pinchers takes on dramatic proportions as in my pajamas I come face to face with a stinging, nasty, looks dead already, but I know it's just playing possum, dragon that is between me and my taking a shower. Of which I need because I didn't take one yesterday. I wasn't procrastinating I was knitting and how dirty does one really get when when is sitting on the couch knitting all day and night? Started a new knitting project, the Amelie bolero from Rebecca #28. Having a great time with it, but more on that later.

When it comes to dealing with most creatures in the house I am happy to return things back to the wild like baby lizards, moths, and spiders. But this is a SCORPIAN in my bathtub!!! I was dealing with a sneaky, stealthy, stinger that made it through the Animal Defense System (2 dogs and 2 cats). My first thought is to wash it down the shower drain, but my husband tells me it will just crawl back out later. Option number 1 is out and I have to face the dragon.

To get ready for battle I slip on my Ugg boots for protection and grab an ESPN magazine, which has an extra-large format and provides good weight and distance for swatting and killing unwanted creatures. My hubby informs me that if I whack it I have to whack it really good because scorpians don't die very easily. The dragon is in the curve of the bath tub and I don't have a good swatting angle. Swatting is out.

Here's how it went down.

Put down the phone. Face the enemy. Drop the magazine onto the scorpian. Pause for any movement. Stomp. Stomp. Gingerly pick up magazine. Scorpian is crawling around. SCREAM! Drop magazine. Stomp. Stomp. Dead.

Before I can pick up the phone again, I can hear my husband laughing and screaming to his friend. When slaying dragons in your bathtub beware of being mocked. The scorpian was swept out of the tub and into the toilet for a watery goodbye. I proceeded to take a shower and wash the heebie jeebies off of myself all the time wondering when the next fiend was going to pop into my shower and deliver the karmic sting. In conclusion, for the next few days I will be checking my shoes for tiny dragons curled up in the toes. Dragons BEWARE!


Ellen Bloom said...

Wonder Woman and Xena, WATCH OUT! Queen Natasha, killer of pre-historic life is on your trail!
I love that you used the ESPN Magazine because of it's larger format!

Welcome to La Blogosphere, Natalie Dear. I will be reading each of your posts with fascination!

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Hey. Scorpions - Yuck. Especially in the house. Dragons? Dragons are GOOD. I'm offended you'd malign my people by associating us with scorpions.

Sheeeesh. At least Husband had the decency to mock you.

woolanthropy said...

There are good dragons and bad dragons. The dragons that show up unexpectedly in the bathtub are bad. They smoke up the bathroom, singe the towels, and leave a very nasty ring in the tub.

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

So that begs the question - what the heck have YOU been smoking?!

tk said...

I swear the hair on my neck was standing up as i read that.... ewww!

Ellen Bloom said...

Yeah. So when's the next adventure? We're all waiting and breathless.

mehitabel said...

Ew ew ew! I didn't know scorpions lived in this part of the world...well, I guess yours doesn't exactly LIVE here any more, does he? I would have done the same thing, stomp stomp stomp. Ew!!!

sappmama said...

Blog to you: "Update me."